Breaking Barriers Blog

Have you ever had a dream that totally consumed you—a dream that seemed to just slip away due to the lack of ability?  It couldn’t be lack of desire or effort because I tried and tried.  But the dream came back—like a gift from the heavens.

I am a runner and I am 56 years old.  I am in the best shape of my entire life, both mentally and physically.  I believe in dreams and am living proof that barriers can be overcome well past what is considered middle age in our society.  Through running, I learned that anything is possible.   “Really” you ask?

Yes, running transformed my life.  I emerged from being an unconfident, nervous, stressed, overachiever (defined as one who succeeds through sheer effort) who could barely run a quarter of a mile without stopping to a confident, empowered, relaxed, athlete who can run a marathon—fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon for the first time at the age of 54.  This is after I tried to qualify unsuccessfully by running eight marathons in nine years.  I didn’t just qualify either—I beat the qualification time by 10 minutes.

“How did you do that?” you ask.  Read on and I will explain.

Running is like life.  It’s a journey.  You must have great persistence to be a long distance runner—much the same as dealing with the twists and turns of life.    Running is hard, no doubt about it.  It can be a lonely and cruel sport.  But the empowerment and confidence I gained was worth every step.  If I can break barriers at 54, what is to stop me in my 60’s and beyond?  Life is an exciting journey and we are capable of achieving anything if we believe we can.

After I started running my early twenties, I started to dream a typical dream among serious long distance runners—I wanted to run a marathon.  A marathon is 26.2 miles long—that’s 26.2 miles.  It seemed an impossible goal, but I also wanted to break the magic 4-hour mark.  But that’s not all—I also dreamed of qualifying for the Boston Marathon.

Any serious runner knows how daunting a goal that is.  I am not a gifted runner.  I’ve won a few medals in small races in my lifetime and in bigger races I can make the top 20 to 30 percent.  Not bad but not great.

The Boston Marathon is the only marathon in the nation that sets qualifying standards for entry.  For 114 years, the popularity of this race has grown and now attracts entrants from all over the world.  The qualifying standards are tough which increases the allure of the race.  The rule of thumb is that only ten percent of runners will qualify to run Boston.  In fact, the qualifying standards just got tougher due to it selling out in a record 8 hours this year.  Check out the new qualifying standards on the Boston Marathon website.

My running obsession started when I broke the 4-hour mark at age 40 at the Long Beach Marathon in 1993.  Yep, I was really happy about that.  But that accomplishment threw this overachiever into marathon mania chasing my dream.  I ran 8 more marathons in 9 years and didn’t even come close to breaking the 4-hour barrier again or qualifying for Boston.  Talk about discouragement and frustration.  I thought I could make my dream come true through sheer effort.  But it didn’t happen.  I didn’t want to face the fact that I was getting older and just wasn’t good enough to qualify.

Sometimes we do get wiser with age.  I reached a point when I learned how to let go of my dream and appreciate what I have.  No, sheer effort is not the key to getting what we want.  It’s much easier than that.  “Easier?” you ask.  Yes—easier.

I am writing this blog to share my story and to encourage all of you who are looking toward middle age to look forward with courage and confidence because our greatest joys are still ahead to experience—and we can experience them easily and without stress.

I invite you to join me on my life journey over the next eleven blog entries through frustration, anger and persistence to the realization of an incredible dream.  I am still astounded at what happened, even today.

Training Report

I am training for the Lincoln (Nebraska) Marathon on May 1.  My goal is to finish strong under 4 hours (which will qualify me for the Boston Marathon with a good expectation of getting in under the new registration rules.)  My long run on Saturday was 16 miles in bitter California weather.  It was 53 degrees and strong winds but no rain.  My Sunday run was 8 miles.  I couldn’t run the hills on the trails due to the recent rain.

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As I am preparing to go live with this blog (which should be soon), I am thinking about a subject that is a sign of our times—communicating via text messages.  What does this have to do with running?  I can address that point. 

Before I address running, I will address change.  Those of us moving into middle age or are already there, find ourselves dealing with technological change—occurring at an alarming rate.  Communication tools are one example.  The younger generations seem to embrace Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, My Space, texting, instant messaging etc. with no problem.  Talking on the phone is not in their reality, however.  If I need to contact my 21 year old son, I don’t call—I text.    

In my recent past, I started dating a 47 year old man.  Dating after 50 is another issue for another blog but what I address here is the age—9 years younger.  I notice that people under 50 have embraced texting.  Imagine my surprise when I started getting text messages from this man.  Not one here and there, but it was his primary way of communicating with me. 

Two years ago I could count on two hands how many text messages I had sent in my life.  But my current boyfriend was requiring me to text on a regular basis.  I found myself trying to text from a cell that not only had a small keyboard but had a keyboard like a regular phone.  It took me forever to text not only because of the keyboard but also because I texted in complete sentences…not very efficient.

I consider myself to be a good communicator and communication is a big part of my job as an Executive Recruiter.   I grew up talking on the phone and found email to be a transition, but it was useful because I like to write AND I could write in complete sentences.

Not so easy with texting.   

I still text in complete sentences by the way.  I have not yet mastered “text speak”.   I know some “text speak” like the obvious LOL and OMG.  But the other phases are overwhelming to me like BRB; G2G; ROFL; BBT; BIB; CM; CYE; F2F; OOTO; PU; SLAP; TMB; JFF; WTF. 

OMG!  How m I 2 learn these!

So I embraced change and bought a cell with a larger keyboard organized like a computer keyboard and my text speed increased dramatically.  But I found texting to have many problems.  It is easy to misinterpret a short text message and we do not have the advantage of hearing the “voice” of the text.  It is difficult enough for two people with lots of life experience to communicate and understand each other’s filters but add the short and quick text—an additional hurdle that made the relationship even harder to comprehend.  I fear what is happening to our younger generations in terms of quality communication… 

This brings me back to the topic of this blog.  Is it appropriate to break-up over text?  I asked around and got various answers…depending on the age of whom I was asking.  Of course the younger the texter, the more appropriate it is to end it all via a text message.  What else will they do?  They don’t know how to have a phone conversation. 

I can see the usefulness of texting if you had one or two dates and needed an efficient way to end without the pain of a real conversation.  It’s also better than just ignoring the other person—which is really cold.  But when does texting become a chicken way to communicate? 

SYBD, www.soyouvebeendumped.com (which is a useful site if you are the one who was dumped), advises that face-to-face break-ups are honorable, but the website doesn’t agree with that method.  It says it is best to “…run for your life.  The beginning of that process has to be with no personal contact.  Even on the phone, which is really close to breaking up in person, you can still hear the sobbing, swear words, and glass breaking in the background.” This can be really tough to take. 

There is no easy way to end a relationship and the method of ending appears to depend on the age of the participants.  My friend and I broke up over text at first but it was too cold.  Having a live conversation is kind and human.  Yes, it takes guts to deal with the dumped person’s reaction but that builds character—yes, it really does.  I know I am evolving if I can let go of something so meaningful with love in my heart—another barrier shattered—the anger is gone. 

Now I will address running.  As I deal with this difficult change in my life, I find my current running goal to be a positive force in my life.  I look forward to the Lincoln (Nebraska) Marathon and the thrill of crossing the finish line.  Running provides solace and plenty of endorphins!  I believe in the good life has to offer and, after all, today is the beginning of a new life. 

Training report

I ran the Firecracker Run 10K (hilly and challenging but great views) on February 13 in 53:28 and won first in my age group.   My back to back long runs are now 8 miles on hills on Saturday and 15 miles on Sunday.  I feel strong and am working to maintain at least a 9:30 mile training pace on the non-hilly long run.

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