Breaking Barriers Blog

As I coast into the final week before the Lincoln Marathon on Sunday, May 1^st, I am preparing myself for the ominous task ahead.  I completed the training—I trained hard and remained strong, so my body is ready to perform.  Now, the real test begins…preparing my mind to allow my body to do what I’ve trained it so hard to do—complete the 26.2 mile course and complete it strong.

Well…here goes—my goal is much more than that.  I intend to beat 4 hours AND to run the Boston Marathon again.  This is no easy task since the entrance requirements to get into Boston have changed.**  But a question is popping up in my mind.

What if I fail?

Considering all of my previous “failures”, you think I would learn to not set such a lofty goal for myself.  Let me explain.

If you reviewed my story on this blog, you read how I broke the magic 4-hour barrier when I was 40 years old which started my marathon mania.  I ran 9 more marathons in 14 years and never even came close to breaking the 4-hour mark again…not even close.  When I gave up the yearning for the goal and made peace with my running, the incredible happened.  At the next marathon I ran, the Kansas City Marathon, I beat 4 hours AND I qualified for Boston—a dream come true.  When I ran Boston in April 2009, I ran the fastest marathon of my life (3:53:42) at the age of 54.

With the new entrance requirements for the Boston Marathon now in place, I will probably need to run a 3:50 to be able to run Boston again.  That would require me to cut close to 4 minutes off my time and run another personal record (PR) at the age of 56.  I know!  Pretty ambitious you are thinking—or maybe a better word is irrational…crazy…stupid.

So what did I learn from my years and years of trying so hard to reach what I thought was an impossible goal?  Well…I learned that nothing is impossible—not even a PR at the age of 56.

There is a difference between yearning for something we want and believing it to be true.  Our thoughts, our intentions always come true.  I wanted to break 4 hours so badly that my thoughts pushed it away.  I stressed and stewed and got angry.  These are not the thoughts that create winning performances.

My PR happened in Boston because I was grateful and happy to be there.  Sure, I worked hard and I prepared, but the quality of my thoughts were totally different.  Deep down, I anticipated success, not fear if I didn’t reach my goal.

My success was due to a universal law called the Law of Attraction.  According to the book, Ask and It Is Given, Learning to Manifest Your Desires, by Esther and Jerry Hicks, The Law of Attraction says:  That which is like unto itself is drawn.  This is the most powerful law in the universe.

A good example of the principle of this law is when you turn on your radio to a channel, say 101FM.  You do not expect to hear music from 98.6FM because you did not tune into that vibrational frequency—it doesn’t match.

According to the Law of Attraction, you draw to you the essence of whatever you are predominantly thinking about because thoughts have a vibrational frequency.  When I was trying to break 4 hours in the marathon all those years, I was focused more on the absence of my desire.  I felt anger and frustration—it didn’t feel good and created a low vibrational frequency.  When I became at peace with my desire and appreciated what I had accomplished, I achieved vibrational harmony with my desire allowing it to come true.

Producing a different thought and, therefore, emotion in the face of the events happening in your life at this moment is a very difficult thing to do.  But it is a worthwhile endeavor if you want to change your future.  Another book I recommend is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.

So, I put myself on the line with my new goal.   I am moving forward with an anticipation of success and confidence.  But…what if I fail?  The thought makes my stomach churn.  It is a thought that I will work hard to keep out of my mind.  When I stand on the starting line in Lincoln, Nebraska, I will focus on the excitement I feel and I will intend to have fun.  I will run how I feel.

My final pre-marathon thoughts—what fun is life without setting a seemingly impossible goal?  What is failure—really?  Is it not the striving for the goal that is really the success?

I look forward to reporting on the Lincoln Marathon on my next post.

Next—The Lincoln Marathon—The Results

**Check this link for an update on the new entrance requirements for the Boston Marathon.

Training Report

I decreased my mileage substantially in my last week of training to recover from fatigue and a tweaked back.  I went to my favorite Chiropractor, MarcAndre Bock, DC, PhD who helps me keep my body balanced.  I feel good.  I logged 41 miles with a long run of 13 miles on Saturday.  This coming week I will do a short run on Monday and two yoga classes, but I will refrain from running.

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It was October 18, 2008 and I was standing on the starting line of the Kansas City Marathon.  It was a beautiful day.  It was 45 degrees at the start.  My heart was pounding as I stared down the tree-lined streets of Kansas City.  Okay, I did say I was retiring from marathon running…but something inside compelled me to run just one more time…

.        .       .      .       .      .

I was finally breaking free from my relationship with Mike.  It was early 2008.  It was the kind of relationship that resembled a yo-yo.  I had gone back and forth too many times and it was time to let it go.  I needed to be by myself and figure out who I was.  It was too difficult to focus on me when I was too busy trying to please someone else.  Face it we must like ourselves first before someone else will like us back.  I always used running as a positive way to deal with my life issues and sensed I needed a running goal to work toward.

As luck would have it, I received an invitation from my brother Danny and his wife Amy to come to Kansas City where they lived and run the marathon with them in October.  I couldn’t believe myself when I felt a twinge of excitement.  “Okay, maybe one more marathon,” I thought.  “I must be nuts.”

My heart sank when I went to the marathon website.  As I feared, it was a hilly course.  I had always been careful not to choose hilly courses since I was so focused on getting a fast time.  “Oh well,” I thought “I’m not running to kill myself, I’m running for fun.  It’s time to enjoy the achievement of the marathon.”

Once again, I embarked on the grueling training which this time included hills.  And one more time my life became all about completing the training and going the distance.  In an effort to finish strong on the hills, I increased my mileage in addition to training on hills.  In my peak week I logged 60 miles including a nine mile run on hills on Saturday (including a one-mile 400 feet climb) and a 22-mile run on Sunday.  I was once again questioning my sanity, but I had a goal—not to run for time but to run strong.  At the age of 54, I was more excited about life than I had been for a long, long time.  It’s amazing how a slight change in perspective can make a huge difference in the enjoyment of striving for a goal.

.  .   .   .   .   .   .   .

There I was on the starting line in Kansas City.  My goal this time was to have fun and enjoy being able to run a marathon and run it strong to the end.  I positioned myself with the 4:10 pace group thinking that I could comfortably run that pace.  I hadn’t run with a pace group before and I was curious how it would go.  The gun signaled the start of the race and we were off.

I realized over the first two miles that the 4:10 pace group was just too slow.  My experience told me to stay with it but my heart was urging me to pick up the pace.  “Okay, okay,” I sighed “I just never learn.”  I quickened the pace and caught up with the 4-hour pace group.  At five miles, I decided to try to stay with this group for a long as I could.  Of course it was early in the race and I felt great.

The energy of the pace group was phenomenal.  When we reached the longest and steepest hill, I was grateful to have the group to keep me on pace.  I grinned as I looked at the various bands along the course and felt energized by the cheering crowds.  As we approached the 10-mile mark, I was smiling ear to ear proud to be keeping up with the 4-hour pace group.  I felt like I was flying.

I crossed the half-marathon mark in just under 2 hours.  “Whoopee!”  I thought but I was beginning to hurt.  It was that nagging pain in my hip…or was it my knee?  The pace group was starting to slip away.  “Oh no,” I said “Not this time.”  I grabbed Advil out of my fanny pack.  I wanted to stay with the group.

My prior experience was working against me.  I knew anything could happen from this point…cramps, leg pain, but the looming fear was “the wall”.  I felt amazingly strong but my head was trying to convince me that I couldn’t do it.  I decided to follow my gut and do what I had trained my body so hard to do.  I downed the Advil at the aid station and gutted my way back to the pace group.

At 18 miles I was still running with the 4 hour pace group—incredible.  Was the wall approaching?  No…I felt strong.  I began to believe something buried deep within.  Maybe, just maybe I could break that elusive 4-hour mark.  “Could I really do it?”  I thought.

“What if you die at mile 22?”

“What if your knee buckles?”

“Stop it!” I shouted.  “I can do this.”

If I was going to break 4 hours, I needed to make a strategic move.  I broke away from the security of the pace group and ventured into the unknown and straight into the fear of hitting the wall.  My new goal was to stay ahead of the 4-hour pace group.

At 23 miles, I still felt strong—actually I was flying, but the pace group was not too far behind.  Was I slowing down?  I felt good—no wall this time.  I had 3.2 miles left and I decided to go for it.  Maybe I was delirious?  I pushed the pace.

I saw the 25-mile marker and insanity took over.  I had the strength to push the pace even more.  The temperature was in the mid-60’s and the sun was shining and the crowd was cheering.  My legs were throbbing and my heart pounding as I focused on the finish line and the big clock that would determine my fate.

A shock wave moved through my body as I watched the clock when I crossed the finish line.  I squinted and stared at my running watch just to make sure.  Was it true?  My finish time was 3:55:46.  I beat 4 hours!  I didn’t just beat 4 hours—I killed it.  In fact I almost ran as fast as my PR in Long Beach (3:55:15) when I was 40.

To say I was happy was an understatement, especially when I realized what I had just accomplished on a hilly course.  At this point, I was in a state of shock and grateful to be surrounded by my family.  My parents and sister drove up from Wichita to cheer us on.  I don’t think anyone really understood the significance of my personal victory but that didn’t matter–I did.

Later that evening as we were sitting around recounting our marathon stories, Amy looked thoughtful as she said, “Hey Dolores, I think you might have qualified for Boston.”

“No,” I said, “No way.”  I could feel my stomach tense.

I gave up on that dream and was at peace.  Now Amy was threatening to bring up my past disappointments.  Amy was confident she was right, however, and looked up my qualifying time on the website.  Another shock wave cursed through my body.   She was right.  The qualifying time for a woman at the age of 54 was 4 hours and 5 minutes.  Not only did I achieve my dream of breaking the elusive 4-hour mark, I had finally achieved my life-long dream of qualifying for the Boston Marathon—and I beat the qualifying time by more than 4 minutes.

“Is it really true?”  I exclaimed.  I couldn’t control the tears.  I was literally sobbing.  It was quite clear to my family now how important this feat was to me.  I did it.  I really did it.  I qualified for The Boston Marathon.

Dreams really do come true.

I trained hard for the April 2009 Boston Marathon but this time it was a labor of love.  Many friends advised me to just run for fun and enjoy it, but the overachiever in me knew that I wouldn’t have fun unless I could “go for it” and try to beat 4 hours on the Boston course.

What happened in Boston astounds me—even to this day.  I DID IT AGAIN.  I beat 4 hours for the third time in my running career.  But, not only that, I ran a personal record (PR) of 3:53:42—beating my previous PR at Long Beach of 3:55:15 when I was 40.

In other words, I ran the fastest marathon of my life at the age of 54.

So what does this all mean?  I pondered that question for months.

The answer is simple, really.  When we want something so badly, we create the experience of “wanting” and end up pushing it away.  This was apparent not only in my running but in my life.  I thought through sheer effort I could control my life.  But it doesn’t work that way.  Anger, frustration and tension only act to push away what we want.  Only when I learned to relax and let go, did I allow my good to come to me.  My running is proof of that.

That’s the end of the chapter in my life called “Trying to Qualify for the Boston Marathon”.  The lesson I learned is a valuable one that I hope to share with this blog.  I look forward to life with a deep belief that more good is coming to me.  It doesn’t matter what age we are.  We don’t have to “grow old”.  Let’s live life with courage and confidence.  Let’s break more barriers together!

Training Report

It seems fitting to be posting this blog today, April 18, 2011, as the running of the Boston Marathon is happening now.  In less than 2 weeks I will be running the Lincoln (Nebraska) Marathon on May 1^st in an attempt to break 4 hours…again AND qualify for Boston again.

I logged 45 miles this week including a 16 mile run on Saturday and an 8 mile run on Sunday.  I feel tired, which is normal for me at this point.  I will scale back my miles this week due to a tweaked back and sore hamstring.  I am taking Arnica 30c which is helping greatly with the soreness.

Next–What Happens If I Fail?

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Anyone who suffers from the symptoms of hot flashes, night sweats, fuzzy thinking and weight gain knows that life is hard to live!  I made the decision early on that I would not take pharmaceutical hormones like Premarin—which is manufactured from horse urine…yuck.  I needed to find a solution to my hormonal issues.  My research brought me to bio-identical hormone therapy.

These are hormones derived from natural sources that are biologically identical in molecular structure to the hormones women make in their bodies.  This is unlike the hormones manufactured by pharmaceutical companies where the chemical makeup is changed in order for the medicine to be patented.  The result is toxic to our bodies.

I thank Suzanne Somers’ book, The Sexy Years, which jump started me on my quest to discover an alternative to manufactured hormones.  Who could resist her fabulous over 50 picture on the cover?  Granted, I got tired as I read the book and followed her through her complicated process of regulating the hormones she was taking, but her message hit home.  She was a pioneer and I give her much credit.

I read other books such as Natural Hormone Replacement, by Jonathan V. Wright, M.D. and John Morgenthaler; What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause—The Breakthrough Book on Natural Hormone Balance, by John R. Lee, M.D.; and Natural Hormone Balance for Women, by Uzzi Reiss, M.D./O.B. Gyn.  I became knowledgeable about our intricate hormonal system and was fascinated by how it all worked together.  I was ready to take the plunge and give bio-identical hormones a try.  I couldn’t afford to wait much longer—my weight was increasing by the second.

I was referred to Holly Leo, N.P. who works under Robert Crumpton, M.D.  Holly had been prescribing bio-identical hormones for over 8 years.  By working with Holly, I discovered that the process was not as complicated as I thought.  I took a blood test that measured my thyroid, testosterone, estradiol and progesterone levels.  When the tests came back, I was not surprised that my estrogen/progesterone levels were low, but I virtually had no testosterone in my body and I had a low functioning thyroid.

Testosterone is key in maintaining vitality and sex drive and low thyroid also affects energy levels and weight.  No wonder I was having such a hard time getting out the door to run and my weight was increasing—no comment on the sex drive…

Natural hormones were prescribed at the levels I needed and compounded at a pharmacy that specializes in compounding hormone prescriptions.  Hormone levels do fluctuate, especially in women experiencing pre-menopause.  There was a period of adjustment and it took a few months to learn how to regulate how much I needed to take.  But I persevered and the results were amazing over time.  My weight started to drop, my thinking became clearer, my mood swings disappeared, and the hot flashes decreased dramatically.

Bio-identical hormones, though controversial, are becoming more wide-spread as women are discovering this as a safer alternative.  Men are also discovering the benefits of hormone replacement as they age.  Bio-identical hormones simply replace what we naturally lose as we age.  Especially if you are suffering, consider this alternative approach to feeling better.

Now, back to running—exercise was serving a great purpose in terms of reducing stress and increasing muscle tone and cardio-vascular benefits, but the road to health involves more.  All physical ailments begin with emotions.  Blocked anger, for instance, will show up later in life as a heart attack or ulcers.  It’s important as we age to purge negative emotions to stay healthy.

While I was on the road to becoming healthier, I began to come to terms with my long-term Boston Marathon dream that was causing me so much frustration.  It was time to let it go and be happy with the joy of running.  I had completed 9 marathons at that point in my life.  Ten is a good round number.  It was time to retire.  For fun, I wanted to return to Wichita, Kansas where I ran my first marathon in 1983 and to beat my time of 4:23.

It felt good to have an attainable goal and, once again, I went into marathon training four years after running the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in San Diego.  I was 52.

By this time in my life, I had matured emotionally (thank goodness).  My body was running tough and I had much experience to draw on.  I hit the wall so many times before that I wanted very badly to finish this marathon strong. I decided to increase my training for extra insurance.  This time I included two twenty milers instead of one in my training plan.  In addition, my training program included back-to-back long runs.  At the height of my training I ran a 9-mile long run on Saturday and a 20-miler on Sunday.  It was tough, but the extra miles gave me the confidence I needed to finish strong.

The increased training worked and I completed the Wichita Marathon in 2006 in 4:07—and I finished strong.  The overachiever could finally boast a win.  I beat my first marathon time in 1983 by 16 minutes.  Not bad at all.  I was happy and satisfied with my final marathon.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that the Boston qualifying time for a woman 50 to 55 was 4:05.  I was only two minutes away from qualifying.  It was a blessing I didn’t know.  I was at peace and content with my marathon achievements.  But life took another turn.  What happened next still astounds me…even to this day.

Next—A Lifelong Dream Comes True

Training Report

I made it through the last week of heavy training–barely!   One good thing about running high mileage is that I can eat what I want and my weight is down almost 6 pounds.  Now I can taper down the miles as I enter into active rest.  I completed my last 20 miler in 3:07 on Saturday followed by 9 miles on Sunday.  I am confident I can beat 4 hours at Lincoln (here we go again).  My weekly mileage equaled 55 miles.

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Just a quick note to those following me via RSS feed. I’ve had some technical issues with my feed, and I need to reset it. If you’re following me via e-mail subscription, I’ll make sure you get hooked up to the new feed, but if you’re using a feed reader then you’ll need to re-subscribe to the new feed or subscribe via e-mail.

I’ll plan to make this change on Sunday, April 10. After Sunday, you should reset your feed (or subscribe through e-mail) if you want to continue to receive blog updates. I’ll send another reminder later in the week.

I apologize for the inconvenience, and I appreciate everyone’s interest in the blog!

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It’s 2003 and I’m in love again.  It was one of those situations you read about in a romance novel.  Mike walked into the room and our eyes met.  That was it.  I fell hard and fast.  Mike was handsome and outgoing, an entrepreneur, my age and a runner.  He wasn’t obsessive about it like I was, but enjoyed exercise.  We loved travel, music and we laughed.  It was a whirlwind and I got swept up in the hurricane-force winds.  Before I could catch my breath, we had bought a house together.

Even though I was excited about my new life, something inside wanted to put on the breaks.  But I didn’t listen to my intuition.  I know what you are thinking…it’s a bad idea to jump into another relationship so quickly.  Try telling that to someone who is clearly on the rebound.

Perhaps I was trying to fill the void I felt from my recent divorce or I was denying the guilt I felt from breaking up the family.  Looking back, this should have been a time of reflection and healing.  But I wasn’t ready to face my anxieties so I jumped into a new relationship.

A word about new relationships…it is true, we often become someone else when we are in the throes of falling in love.  It’s not until later that we start to become who we really are.  Then we look at each other and wonder, “Why have you changed?”

We moved in together, with our own expectations of how to co-habitat.  We tend to get set in our ways over time, right?  I knew there was trouble when he refused to put the toilet seat down or put the cap back on the toothpaste.  We think it’s the little things that irritate us, but it’s all of those little “straws” that are breaking down a relationship that is dysfunctional at the core.  What happened to all of those similarities I thought we had?  Now add the condition termed “hormonal” to the list, and life became even more challenging.

I had a clue that my hormones were not in balance when I experienced the tough time I had with my pregnancy.  I began to have daily multiple hot flashes and to wake up in the morning looking like I had just finished a long run.  I started snapping at anyone who dared to look at me—especially Mike.  But, when I started gaining weight, even though I was running high mileage, I couldn’t stand it anymore. It was time to get help.

My grandmother was a pioneer.  She was a firm believer in herbal medicines and maintaining health through eating right and supplementing with vitamins, minerals and herbs.  She lived to her late nineties, without the trauma of disease.  I carried her beliefs and was already taking a multitude of vitamins and herbs daily.  I had a deep belief that our bodies have a tremendous ability to heal themselves.  I didn’t buy into our healthcare system, which mostly treats symptoms, not the cause, with toxic chemicals that cause side effects.

Especially in the wake of the Women’s Health Initiative trial, which was stopped in early 2002, and concluded that women taking the pharmaceutical estrogen (Estradol and Premarin-made from horse urine) and progestin (Prempro) caused a higher risk of breast cancer, heart disease, stroke, and blood clots.  For more information about the Women’s Health Initiative, a long-term study on the effects of hormone replacement therapy, follow this link:   http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/whi/.  I looked for an alternative way to solve my hormonal issues.  I quickly found out that my options were limited.

My research, however, brought me to homeopathy.  Homeopathic medicine is a natural, holistic system of treatment that originated in the late eighteenth century and is practiced widely today in other countries.  It is a practice that focuses on enhancing overall health—both emotional and physical.  Emotional issues manifest into physical ailments.  For instance, repressed anger can cause stroke or heart attack or stress can cause ulcers and headaches.  Therefore, depending on the state of health at the time of treatment, the process may be long-term.

The fundamental law upon which homeopathy is based is the law of similars, or “like is cured by like.” The law of similars states that a remedy can cure a disease if it produces symptoms in a healthy person similar to those of the disease.

For instance, a person develops a fever with chills, flushed face and dilated pupils.  The homeopathic doctor searches for a remedy that produced all of these symptoms, under controlled conditions, in a healthy person.  When the sick person takes the remedy, the symptoms disappear.  The law of similars enables the doctor to select the one medicine (the simillimum) that is needed by matching the symptoms of the individual to the symptoms the remedy induces.

I began to work with a homeopathic doctor, Dr. Dahlia Shemtob H.D., CCH.  I admit that exploring homeopathy was a paradigm shift but Dahlia (yes I call her Dahlia) was very nice and I felt at ease.  Homeopathic medicine is so completely different from Allopathic medicine that it took a leap of faith to participate.  But participate I did and though I didn’t receive immediate benefit for my hormone imbalance, I began to experience relief from the chronic sinus problems and anxieties that had plagued me my entire life—a welcome benefit.  I invite you to check out my Premium Content for an in-depth discussion of homeopathy and its benefits—especially for sports injuries.

I continue to use homeopathy over allopathic medicine whenever possible.  Homeopathy has been a major factor in increasing my overall general health both emotionally and physically.  Homeopathy has been instrumental in my ability to run well as I age.

But back to my hot flashes—I did discover another natural alternative.  As I began to get relief from my hormonal issues, I realized I could not blame “hormones” for the state of the relationship I jumped into.

Next—Bio-identical Hormones and My Retirement Marathon

Training Report

I am tired as I write this!  I logged 65 miles this week—the highest weekly mileage I have ever run.  I am at the height of my training.  My long run was 22 miles on Saturday followed by a 9 mile run on Sunday.  I look forward to decreasing my weekly mileage…

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