Breaking Barriers Blog

Isn’t  this year just flying by?  It seems like only yesterday that I was deeply embroiled in this lovely recession that just wouldn’t go away.  As an Executive Recruiter (I place accounting and finance professionals), I’ve survived a number of recessions through my 20+ years of experience, but none as devastating as this last challenge.  I’ve seen many lives changed by the economy and witnessed much pain.  But as the saying goes, there’s a silver lining in every cloud. On this Thanksgiving holiday, I give thanks and appreciation for all that is good in my life and I realize there truly is a silver lining—even in the darkest of clouds.

I was afraid I might starve to death.  My pain started in early 2009 when my phone quit ringing…well except for someone calling me to tell me they got laid off or knew someone who got laid off.  People were getting laid off left and right.  I’d never seen anything like it.  Needless to say, there was very little work for an Executive Recruiter.

Let me give you an example of the impact of this recession on executive recruiters.  I belonged to an association called California Staffing Professionals.  We were a bunch of recruiters who would get together for lunch meetings.  About 50 to 60 of us would show up and we would meet in a nice restaurant and have a nice lunch.  It got to the point toward the end of 2009 that only a handful of us showed up.  We would meet in a small conference room and we would bring our own lunch.  Yep, as I sat there in that small conference room…with my Balance Bar…surveying the people in that room, I realized we all had years and years of experience.  I guess we didn’t know what else to do—or we didn’t have sense enough to leave the party like so many of our associates did.

But the fact is, I survived.  The key to my survival was networking.  I stepped up my networking activities in a big way.  I went on the board of the American Society of Women Accountants, I joined the board of the OC/Long Beach Chapter of the California Society of CPA’s and also became the Co-Chair of the Business and Industry Interest Group which puts on CPE meetings for CPA’s.   I organized a monthly CFO Roundtable, I was on the nominating committee for the CFO of the Year event put on by the Orange County Business Journal two years in a row, and the list goes on—but you get the idea.  Not only did I increase my visibility and network base dramatically, I focused on all of the networking activity—not on the horrible outside conditions.  It worked.  Business is coming to me.

Networking is the key to finding a job—in any economy.

So what’s the silver lining here?  I knew I needed to try to survive doing what  I knew how to do—recruiting, but I also thought long and hard about my life and passions.  Though executive recruiting has been very good to me through the years and I loved the work, I knew there was another path I was to follow.  But as long as I was busy working, I ignored that nagging feeling deep inside.

2008 was a tough year emotionally for me.  I had finally ended a six year relationship with a man who was verbally abusive.  Why I stayed with him for so long is another story but relationships do show us what we need to work on inside of ourselves.  By then I had retired from running marathons, after completing my tenth marathon, the Wichita Marathon, in 2006 in 4:07. I had also made peace with the fact that I was not good enough to beat 4 hours in the marathon and/or qualify for the Boston Marathon.  But when my brother Danny called and asked if I wanted to run the Kansas City Marathon in October with him and Amy, I reluctantly agreed.  After all, running was what kept me sane through some of the biggest challenges of my life.  I desperately needed a positive goal to pursue.

So I trained hard, but with no expectations except to run strong to the end.  But something amazing happened when I ran the marathon in Kansas City in October of 2008.  My finish time was only 20 seconds off my personal record back in 1993 (3:55:15).  Not only did I break 4 hours after trying unsuccessfully since 1993, but I qualified for Boston for the first time at the age of 54—a life-long dream come true.

So as my career was falling apart in 2009, I trained for Boston and ran my dream marathon in April 2009 and another amazing thing happened.  I ran a personal record of 3:53:42 at the age of 54.

Timing is everything.  Even though I was the networking queen trying to survive financially, I had the opportunity to deeply reflect on this gift given to me—that I was getting faster with age—well past what is considered middle age in our society.

In 2009, I started my first writing course and started this blog in September 2010.  My goal was to use my personal experience to inspire other people looking toward middle age and beyond that barriers can be broken and we have much more life to look forward to.

In 2011, I started another writing course geared toward writing a book.  I am now writing my memoir with the goal of completion six months from now.   How it ends, is still in the air.  I am now training for my second Boston Marathon in April 2012.  I qualified for this Boston last May, 2011 running yet another personal record of 3:53:23 at the Lincoln Marathon—at the age of 56.  I also placed 3rd in my division, the first time I’ve ever placed in a marathon.  Yes—I’m still getting faster with age.  This is totally unusual and amazing and wonderful.

This devastating recession pushed me into another direction.  Now I maintain a blog and I’m working on my first book and I will be running the Boston Marathon at the age of 57.  What will happen?  It doesn’t matter.  I will strive to run strong and have fun.  Life is such an exciting and phenomenal journey.  Just be open to the possibilities—they are out there just waiting to come to you.  Happy Thanksgiving!

 

It was October 18, 2008 and I was standing on the starting line of the Kansas City Marathon.  It was a beautiful day.  It was 45 degrees at the start.  My heart was pounding as I stared down the tree-lined streets of Kansas City.  Okay, I did say I was retiring from marathon running…but something inside compelled me to run just one more time…

.        .       .      .       .      .

I was finally breaking free from my relationship with Mike.  It was early 2008.  It was the kind of relationship that resembled a yo-yo.  I had gone back and forth too many times and it was time to let it go.  I needed to be by myself and figure out who I was.  It was too difficult to focus on me when I was too busy trying to please someone else.  Face it we must like ourselves first before someone else will like us back.  I always used running as a positive way to deal with my life issues and sensed I needed a running goal to work toward.

As luck would have it, I received an invitation from my brother Danny and his wife Amy to come to Kansas City where they lived and run the marathon with them in October.  I couldn’t believe myself when I felt a twinge of excitement.  “Okay, maybe one more marathon,” I thought.  “I must be nuts.”

My heart sank when I went to the marathon website.  As I feared, it was a hilly course.  I had always been careful not to choose hilly courses since I was so focused on getting a fast time.  “Oh well,” I thought “I’m not running to kill myself, I’m running for fun.  It’s time to enjoy the achievement of the marathon.”

Once again, I embarked on the grueling training which this time included hills.  And one more time my life became all about completing the training and going the distance.  In an effort to finish strong on the hills, I increased my mileage in addition to training on hills.  In my peak week I logged 60 miles including a nine mile run on hills on Saturday (including a one-mile 400 feet climb) and a 22-mile run on Sunday.  I was once again questioning my sanity, but I had a goal—not to run for time but to run strong.  At the age of 54, I was more excited about life than I had been for a long, long time.  It’s amazing how a slight change in perspective can make a huge difference in the enjoyment of striving for a goal.

.  .   .   .   .   .   .   .

 

There I was on the starting line in Kansas City.  My goal this time was to have fun and enjoy being able to run a marathon and run it strong to the end.  I positioned myself with the 4:10 pace group thinking that I could comfortably run that pace.  I hadn’t run with a pace group before and I was curious how it would go.  The gun signaled the start of the race and we were off.

I realized over the first two miles that the 4:10 pace group was just too slow.  My experience told me to stay with it but my heart was urging me to pick up the pace.  “Okay, okay,” I sighed “I just never learn.”  I quickened the pace and caught up with the 4-hour pace group.  At five miles, I decided to try to stay with this group for a long as I could.  Of course it was early in the race and I felt great.

The energy of the pace group was phenomenal.  When we reached the longest and steepest hill, I was grateful to have the group to keep me on pace.  I grinned as I looked at the various bands along the course and felt energized by the cheering crowds.  As we approached the 10-mile mark, I was smiling ear to ear proud to be keeping up with the 4-hour pace group.  I felt like I was flying.

I crossed the half-marathon mark in just under 2 hours.  “Whoopee!”  I thought but I was beginning to hurt.  It was that nagging pain in my hip…or was it my knee?  The pace group was starting to slip away.  “Oh no,” I said “Not this time.”  I grabbed Advil out of my fanny pack.  I wanted to stay with the group.

My prior experience was working against me.  I knew anything could happen from this point…cramps, leg pain, but the looming fear was “the wall”.  I felt amazingly strong but my head was trying to convince me that I couldn’t do it.  I decided to follow my gut and do what I had trained my body so hard to do.  I downed the Advil at the aid station and gutted my way back to the pace group.

At 18 miles I was still running with the 4 hour pace group—incredible.  Was the wall approaching?  No…I felt strong.  I began to believe something buried deep within.  Maybe, just maybe I could break that elusive 4-hour mark.  “Could I really do it?”  I thought.

“What if you die at mile 22?”

“What if your knee buckles?”

“Stop it!” I shouted.  “I can do this.”

If I was going to break 4 hours, I needed to make a strategic move.  I broke away from the security of the pace group and ventured into the unknown and straight into the fear of hitting the wall.  My new goal was to stay ahead of the 4-hour pace group.

At 23 miles, I still felt strong—actually I was flying, but the pace group was not too far behind.  Was I slowing down?  I felt good—no wall this time.  I had 3.2 miles left and I decided to go for it.  Maybe I was delirious?  I pushed the pace.

I saw the 25-mile marker and insanity took over.  I had the strength to push the pace even more.  The temperature was in the mid-60’s and the sun was shining and the crowd was cheering.  My legs were throbbing and my heart pounding as I focused on the finish line and the big clock that would determine my fate.

A shock wave moved through my body as I watched the clock when I crossed the finish line.  I squinted and stared at my running watch just to make sure.  Was it true?  My finish time was 3:55:46.  I beat 4 hours!  I didn’t just beat 4 hours—I killed it.  In fact I almost ran as fast as my PR in Long Beach (3:55:15) when I was 40.

To say I was happy was an understatement, especially when I realized what I had just accomplished on a hilly course.  At this point, I was in a state of shock and grateful to be surrounded by my family.  My parents and sister drove up from Wichita to cheer us on.  I don’t think anyone really understood the significance of my personal victory but that didn’t matter–I did.

Later that evening as we were sitting around recounting our marathon stories, Amy looked thoughtful as she said, “Hey Dolores, I think you might have qualified for Boston.”

“No,” I said, “No way.”  I could feel my stomach tense.

I gave up on that dream and was at peace.  Now Amy was threatening to bring up my past disappointments.  Amy was confident she was right, however, and looked up my qualifying time on the website.  Another shock wave cursed through my body.   She was right.  The qualifying time for a woman at the age of 54 was 4 hours and 5 minutes.  Not only did I achieve my dream of breaking the elusive 4-hour mark, I had finally achieved my life-long dream of qualifying for the Boston Marathon—and I beat the qualifying time by more than 4 minutes.

“Is it really true?”  I exclaimed.  I couldn’t control the tears.  I was literally sobbing.  It was quite clear to my family now how important this feat was to me.  I did it.  I really did it.  I qualified for The Boston Marathon.

Dreams really do come true.

I trained hard for the April 2009 Boston Marathon but this time it was a labor of love.  Many friends advised me to just run for fun and enjoy it, but the overachiever in me knew that I wouldn’t have fun unless I could “go for it” and try to beat 4 hours on the Boston course.

What happened in Boston astounds me—even to this day.  I DID IT AGAIN.  I beat 4 hours for the third time in my running career.  But, not only that, I ran a personal record (PR) of 3:53:42—beating my previous PR at Long Beach of 3:55:15 when I was 40.

In other words, I ran the fastest marathon of my life at the age of 54.

So what does this all mean?  I pondered that question for months.

The answer is simple, really.  When we want something so badly, we create the experience of “wanting” and end up pushing it away.  This was apparent not only in my running but in my life.  I thought through sheer effort I could control my life.  But it doesn’t work that way.  Anger, frustration and tension only act to push away what we want.  Only when I learned to relax and let go, did I allow my good to come to me.  My running is proof of that.

That’s the end of the chapter in my life called “Trying to Qualify for the Boston Marathon”.  The lesson I learned is a valuable one that I hope to share with this blog.  I look forward to life with a deep belief that more good is coming to me.  It doesn’t matter what age we are.  We don’t have to “grow old”.  Let’s live life with courage and confidence.  Let’s break more barriers together!

Training Report

It seems fitting to be posting this blog today, April 18, 2011, as the running of the Boston Marathon is happening now.  In less than 2 weeks I will be running the Lincoln (Nebraska) Marathon on May 1^st in an attempt to break 4 hours…again AND qualify for Boston again.

I logged 45 miles this week including a 16 mile run on Saturday and an 8 mile run on Sunday.  I feel tired, which is normal for me at this point.  I will scale back my miles this week due to a tweaked back and sore hamstring.  I am taking Arnica 30c which is helping greatly with the soreness.

Next–What Happens If I Fail?