Breaking Barriers Blog

Why are relationships so X!JXX!!! hard!  I guess I should specify—at my age.  Don’t get me wrong, I like my age.  I love having life experience and the wisdom and confidence that comes with it.  If a genie appeared to me right at this moment and offered me the opportunity to be 25 again…would I do it?  Hmmmm…nope.  I did have to think about it.  But, really, life wasn’t that easy at 25, in fact, it was worse.

What would be so fun about figuring everything out all over again, especially regarding relationships?  I got married the first time at 19 years old.  Who in the world knows what they are doing at 19 years old?  Obviously I didn’t have a clue or I wouldn’t have done something so drastic like get married.  I was already a starving college student.  What was I thinking?  Now we were two starving college students—together.  After  9 ½ years of stress, tension and arguing, we finally called it quits.  As I look back, I’m not sure I learned much from the experience except to blame him for my unhappiness.

At the end of my first marriage I was still young at 28 years old, but I was beginning to realize that marriage was more than just “being wildly in love”.  It was a partnership.   I wrote up a list of qualities I was looking for in a man and vowed to not settle.  I ran my first marathon, the Wichita Marathon, in 1983.  I met Arne at the first marathon training class.  Not only did Arne meet the top 3 items on my requirements list, he trained for the marathon with me.  If someone can regularly see you looking and smelling like a drowned rat, and still want to date you, it must be love.  I asked Arne to marry me after the marathon was over.  We had been dating for about 7 months.  I guess I needed to seal the deal quickly.  Again I ask—what was I thinking?  Where was the fire?  We were married the following May—I was 30 years old.

My second marriage was even more traumatic than my first one because we went into business together and we had a son.  Was it the business that kept us together for 15 years or did it tear us apart?  There are ground rules which must be followed when working with a spouse.  Unfortunately, I didn’t really figure it out until it was too late.  By then the love was gone.  When the 2001 recession hit, we split up the business and went our separate ways.  It was a messy, painful divorce and my son was in the middle.  I was devastated.  I did evolve from this relationship but I still blamed Arne for my unhappiness.

Of course I jumped into serious relationship number 3 almost immediately after getting a divorce.  Again, it was a short courtship and I moved in with him.  At least I didn’t get married.  It was shortly thereafter that I realized I re-created my first husband and the issues I had with him.  I was in my late forties and I was finally beginning to realize that relationships bring up all of that baggage we picked up earlier in life.  We just re-create the pain over and over again.  I was in no position to try to deal with the situation so I took what little self-esteem I had left after 6 tumultuous years and moved on.

I finally, finally decided I needed to stay single for a while.  The thought of being single used to fill me with dread and make my stomach churn.  I wasn’t complete without a man in my life.  But the longer I am single, the more I appreciate the freedom and independence I have.  I realized that you must love yourself first before you can really love someone else.  I also realized I am the only one responsible for my happiness.  I am happier than I have ever been and feel more at peace.  Could it be because I am single?  If I were to stay single the rest of my life, I would still be happy.  That is a freeing affirmation.

My running is symbolic of my life.  When I became at peace with not beating 4 hours in the marathon and not qualifying for Boston—it came to me and my running dream came true.  The constant struggle blocked my ability to receive my good.

But back to relationships—I did meet someone about a year and a half ago.  We started out as friends and have slowly just recently progressed to a more serious stage.  Please, don’t think I’ve got this relationship stuff figured out.  We’ve broken-up at least 20 times but it just doesn’t stick.  Working through our baggage has been complicated.  Kids, work and ex issues play havoc on one’s ability to think straight.  Sometimes I long for the days when we didn’t know better and just jumped into love with total abandon.  Whether we move to the next step together or move on, we will always be friends.  That’s a big step to finding harmony.

Okay, I’m 57 now but I have all the time in the world.  I’m in great shape; I’m healthy, energetic and have big plans for the future—with or without a man.  If I can run personal records in the marathon at 56—I can find peace with or without a relationship! 

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Do you remember your first run? Did it go as you imagined? Mine was a total failure. I recount the experience here as a reminder that we all have to start from somewhere. What we do next with our perceived “failure” is the key to any future success.

It was September in 1975 and I was a senior at Bethel College in North Newton, Kansas. I was under much pressure at the time. I was overly responsible, a perfectionist and an over-achiever. I was working 25 to 30 hours per week as a bookkeeper in a jewelry store, carrying a full class load, traveling frequently with the speech and debate team and I was married. We were both full-time students and both worked but we barely had enough to live on. In those days, it was expected that the woman carry the burden of the household and being a career woman was rare. I resented the fact that my husband, Greg, refused to help around the house. We fought bitterly and he was verbally abusive. I suffered from anxiety attacks and had chronic sinuses trouble. I was wired all the time.

. . . . . . . . . . .

It was 4:10 when I turned into the drive leading to my apartment. My shirt was stuck to the car seat when I stepped out of the car onto the hardened dirt drive. Damn air conditioner. I turned the key in the lock and noticed a big roach scurry into the big crack on the front step. It felt like it was at least 100 degrees in there. I looked at the pile of books that Greg threw right smack in the middle of the room. Then I glared at the kitchen sink piled with dishes. I could see the pan with caked-on pasta sauce from where I stood and I heard a fly buzz by. Uhggg, it smelled like rotten milk. Greg was a slob and he was worthless around the house. I told him it was his turn to do the dishes. But no…after all he was a man.

Work was drudgery that day. Vera, my boss, insisted that the accounts receivable subledger balance to the penny to the general ledger. She made me nervous. All I can say is that my speed on the ten-key adding machine was blazing fast.  My head hurt thinking of all the crap I had yet to deal with. I could feel the pressure and I rubbed my eyes. I couldn’t relax. I felt that old familiar anxious feeling like something bad was about to happen…

I turned and looked outside the front door to the track about 200 feet away. It looked inviting—like it was calling out to me. I wanted to run. I had not exercised since high school when I bought a 10-speed bike. Now I was a senior in college. Okay…why not.

I put on a pair of Reebok’s and shorts and ventured outside toward the track. I squinted into the sun. The air felt heavy and humid. I didn’t understand why the college took such great pride in its history— maintaining the first building constructed in the 1930’s which stood as a proud monument to the school—but utterly ignored the married student apartments and this track. It was overgrown with weeds and the little grass that was in the field was burnt by the sun.

I waded through the weeds and shooed the bugs from my face. I stepped out onto the dirt track and eyed the ruts and holes in the hardened dirt. I never saw anyone on this track. Bethel was a football school. It looked like bleachers once stood on the side, but it was obvious that years had passed since any events were held on this track.

I took my first few steps. So far so good. I smiled and quickened the pace as I jumped over the first crevice. This was fun. I can do this—no sweat. I lunged forward and started running like someone was chasing me. By the time I got half way around the track I was gasping. I couldn’t get any air. My pace slowed to a crawl and I focused on my breath. Breathe deep—breathe deep. I just couldn’t get enough air. When I got to the end of the first loop I was finally breathing.

I walked a few steps. The sweat was trickling down my forehead and my left eye was starting to sting. I squinted and pursed my lips as I stared down the track. Loop number 2. It was damn hot. I stepped over another hole in the track. I took a deep breath and I started running again. I took off like I was racing a 50 yard dash.

What was I thinking?

Halfway around the track I was sucking wind again and I slowed to a crawl. Now both eyes were stinging and I wiped my forehead with the end of my shirt. I thought I might pass out. I tripped in a hole in the track and I felt like crying. I was 100 yards from the end of my second loop. I started to walk again.

Pathetic, I thought. I don’t have time for this. Two loops around the track—that’s one-half of a mile. I was 21 years old and couldn’t even run one-half of a mile.

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I know you are thinking, “Well, duh!”  Yes, being in shape helps us to look better—which is good since the competition is tough out there for those of us in middle-age.  After having “competed” on the dating scene for a couple of years, I can see that being in shape gives me even more of an advantage than just looking better over those that do not exercise.

First of all, did you know that divorces over the age of 50 increased 65% from 1981?  Based on my personal experience of attending social functions for singles, it seems most of the divorcees are women—and younger…how frustrating is that.  Entering the single scene, especially after a long-term marriage, is daunting.   Gone are the days when we just jumped into a relationship and marriage because we didn’t have a clue what we were getting into.  Now, we know we are entering a whirlwind of emotion ranging from euphoria down to a desire to sing along to Lonestar:

Down at the lonely grill
Got nothing but time to kill at the end of everyday
I sit in a corner booth and do nothing but think of you
And the love we threw away

You would think at our age we could make smarter choices.  Some of us do not wish to pursue a relationship at all.

The New York Times printed an article in September 2009 stating that women over 50 find it hard to remarry.  Well, if the New York Times said it, it must be true.  It further stated that the “remarriage gap” for women is far wider than it is for men…the biggest gap of any age group.

Could it be because men tend to marry down in age and intelligence while women marry up?  Or is it because women, having gone through a divorce and an unfulfilling marriage decide they are happier on their own?

I am not one of those women who wants to stay single.  Even though I have experienced 2 long-term marriages (the first was 9 ½ years and the second was 15 years) and even though both ended in divorce, I still jumped into another relationship.  This time I opted not to get married but to co-habit.  It also ended after 6 not so blissful years.  I have now joined the ranks of women over 50 who are single.  But call me the eternal optimist because I know if I keep trying… I will get it right. (If I can qualify for the Boston Marathon at age 54 by trying and trying–I should be able to try my way into a successful relationship.)

Face it, our opportunities to meet potential mates are plentiful.  Who hasn’t heard the success stories from on-line dating?  It’s great, we don’t have to depend on chance—we get pre-screened matches to pick from.  But if only the ones we liked, liked us…  I have not tried on-line dating seriously but one of my best friends is getting married later this year to a man she met through Match.com.  It does work.

Back to being in shape, if going through a divorce doesn’t suck enough of the life out of you, then trying to start a relationship later in life can potentially finish you off.  After my marriage of 15 years ended in a bitter divorce, I soared into another relationship in my mid-40’s with who I thought was my soul mate—and it was absolutely love at first sight.

But middle-age relationships are complicated because we see our mate through the wounds we suffered in our previous relationships.   Either we start to purge this baggage now or experience our disintegration through disease.  I found my latest relationship to be the hardest one so far but the one that pushed me the most into self-exploration.  Yes, I finally figured out that it was me that needed to change.

This is where being in shape is so important.  Any form of exercise, running in my case, is a great method to purge tension and increase energy—and stay youthful.   (There is much on the internet to document the fact that running lengthens life.  Check out this link.) These are highly needed qualities to endure the growing pains of a middle-age relationship.

Okay, I admit that I have entered into another relationship…one that started out great as friends.  But it has started to develop into more than friends and is now entering a complicated phase as we learn how to interpret each other’s actions through our “pain filter”.  As my friend says, we have to determine if we want to take the bad with the good.  So far, the good is winning.   But we didn’t reach this place of understanding without some pain.

Meanwhile, I’m still maintaining my running and exercise schedule and looking forward to training for my 2^nd Boston Marathon in April 2012.  Yes, I’m actually looking forward to another type of pain—a labor of love.  I have so much to look forward to!

Next:     I Just Don’t Want to Exercise Today!

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My marathon obsession kicked into full swing.  It was 1998 and I was forty-five.  Five years had passed since I broke 4 hours at the Long Beach Marathon.  I ran the New York City Marathon in 4:34 and later that same year I ran the Napa Valley Marathon in 5:05.  As you can see, those times were, well…slow.  I justified New York because I started in the back of the enormous pack.  I was sluggish at Napa Valley because I didn’t properly train.  I didn’t train because my marriage was crumbling.

My relationship with my husband was getting more stressful and deteriorating.  The strain of the business was wearing us down.  By this time, we had up to 20 full-time employees in two offices not counting temporaries and we had plans for further expansion.  I’m sure running our business wasn’t any harder than anyone else’s, but it seemed harder because we were never at peace with each other.

How did I deal with the stress?  I ran.  Running was a major factor in helping me deal with the pressures of my life.  No matter what was going on, lawsuits, firing employees, meeting payroll, I could count on the stress release of a good run and the endorphins that followed.

Despite the issues of my marriage and the business, I continued to chase my dream of qualifying for the Boston Marathon.  I ran the St. George Marathon in over four hours in 1999.  I followed that up with the Las Vegas Marathon in 2001 in 4:10 and later that year I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 4:17.  I was beginning to run out of excuses.  How could I have been so close to qualifying for Boston in 1993 only to be so lethargic in every single marathon since then?  I was frustrated.  I needed to try harder.

As I was engaged full force into marathon mania, my marriage dissolved and so did our business.  2001 brought another recession.  This time, we were tired and neither one of us had the energy or fortitude to deal with the sudden drop of hiring and the resulting impact on a larger business.  We separated and split what was left of the company.

Anyone who has endured the separation from a long-term marriage, especially with a child involved, understands how complicated and surreal life becomes.  It seemed we were going through the motions looking for something that made sense.  Again running was the anchor that kept me grounded.  My divorce became final in 2002.

Hemingway Solutions, Inc. was created in 2002, a much smaller executive search firm. This was a new beginning.  I looked forward to better times ahead, both in marathoning and in life.

In terms of marathoning—I completed marathon number 9, the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon, in 2002 in well over four hours.  I remember crossing the finish line shaking my head.  I should have been enjoying such a great marathon with bands scattered about the course and celebrating finishing yet another marathon.  Instead, I just thought about my perceived failure.  It was hard to argue with years of consistent results that didn’t meet the mark.  But I continued to be in denial—something inside didn’t want to believe I wasn’t good enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

In terms of life—my business was thriving and I enjoyed the peace of a smaller company and being independent.  My son was adjusting to living life between two parents and his demanding sports schedule kept him busy.  But another element cropped up to make my life more…dynamic.  I met Mike and it was love at first sight.  Here I go again.

Next—Another Relationship and Homeopathy

Training Report

I continue to be on track in my training—though I find myself tired all the time!  I logged 58 miles this week including a 20 mile run on Saturday and 9 miles on Sunday.  I was lucky, I did not get caught in the rain, but the wind was strong.  It was about as cold as it gets here in California.

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It was 1989 and I was pregnant.  I was not expecting this to happen…but somehow I would make this work.  In my overachiever mind, I saw myself working and running up to the day I delivered.  But being pregnant wasn’t the only issue I was concerned about—the economy was moving toward a recession.  Not good timing for a pregnant self-employed woman who was married to a man who just started a business of his own.

The nausea came over me like a heavy, dark cloud and it didn’t seem to stop–ever.  My energy was nonexistent.  When I forced myself to drive to my office, I would sit at my desk with my head down.  I didn’t have the strength to pick up the phone.  Running was a distant dream.

My pregnancy turned out to be a period of forced relaxation–I couldn’t work or run.  Even worse, eating was out of the question.  I think I threw up every single day.  Wow, that was fun.  I was hospitalized twice for dehydration–even water didn’t stay down.  The days were a blur.  I lost 11 pounds in the first half of my pregnancy.  My net weight gain when I delivered was a whopping fourteen pounds.

JJ was born on August 02, 1989, a healthy, but lean baby boy.  The doctors assured me he got what he needed from me; it was just that pregnancy didn’t agree with me.  But was it worth it?  Absolutely, I can’t imagine life without my son.  The hormone imbalance I was obviously suffering from came back to haunt me later in life…but more about that later.

After I delivered, I was anxious to get back into shape, but the business needed attention.  Arne and I never intended to work together, but the recession forced it.   I merged my company into Hemingway Personnel shortly after JJ was born.  I was optimistic.  I loved my independence, yet the thought of creating a business with my spouse seemed romantic in an idealistic sort of way…idealistic being the key word here.

There are certain advantages to working independently.  I could do things the way I desired.  Working with a partner is an entirely different story, especially a spouse who is used to supervising and dictating to a large group of people.

We made lots of mistakes in the beginning.  For instance, we did not clearly define our roles or agree on a procedure to follow if we didn’t agree—which was most of the time.  The main reasons we survived our first year during a recession were 1) our overhead was low and, 2) failure was not an option.  As in finishing a marathon, it’s surprising what can be accomplished if your intention is strong enough.

Through all of this, I was ecstatic to be able to run again.  Running was one constant in my life that I counted on to feel good.  The hardest part about running again after several months off was that my mind thought I could just pick up where I left off.  I was so excited to get out to exercise I picked up the pace only to sit in the shower later with waves of nausea due to lactic acid build-up.  It took about six months to regain the fitness I lost during pregnancy.

The next few years were focused on building the business.  We were busy hiring people, creating procedures and diversifying.  Growing the business was important to me but Arne and I didn’t see eye-to-eye.  The excitement of expanding was overshadowed by the tenseness between us and it took a huge toll on the business.  It didn’t help our personal relationship either.  I was emotionally drained and angry that my life was so hard.

In the midst of this chaos, I turned to running which, in the past, had helped me feel like I was in control and centered.  So at the age of 40, I decided to train for another marathon—ten years after the first one.  Thus began a new phase in my life, which I lovingly call marathon mania.

Next–Marathon Mania Begins

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When I started the marathon training program for my first marathon, the biggest hurdle was wrapping my head around the distance.  When I thought about 26.2 miles, I couldn’t comprehend running that far.  It was farther than the twelve-mile drive from my hometown, Augusta, to Wichita (Kansas).  If I turned around and ran back, I still wouldn’t cover the distance. That’s just crazy!

The training program for the Wichita Marathon (now called the Prairie Fire Marathon) was six months long with increased mileage each week and a long run every Saturday.  When our weekly long run exceeded ten miles, I was grateful to be running with a group to help push me along.  I discovered a new set of aches and pains and a new level of exhaustion.  The time commitment was enormous.  Can you imagine going out on a Saturday and spending three to four hours running?  I actually questioned my sanity as the mileage got longer and longer.

My new friend, Arne, started training with me during the week.  Arne had a management position in corporate accounting.  He recently moved to Wichita from Chicago for the opportunity at Pizza Hut and was focused on moving forward in the company.  He was a CPA, intelligent and fit.  I enjoyed his company on the training runs.  We were both accountants, so we had something in common.  This was his first marathon as well so we were going into uncharted territory together.

We were crazy in those days.  I remember we went on a 10 mile run in August when it was really hot and humid without carrying any water.  We would drink out of the hoses in front yards of houses as we ran by.  What were we thinking?

Going for long runs is a great way to get to know someone.  As the mileage accumulated, Arne and I became more than friends.  Face it, if you can look and smell like a drowned rat in front of someone and they still like you, it must be love.

We made it through the training…finally.  I am proud to say we both finished our first marathon in Wichita, Kansas in October of 1983.  I finished in 4:23:10.  I was twenty-nine years old.  When I crossed the finish line, my legs buckled and my stomach muscles tightened up so much I couldn’t stand straight.  Despite my discomfort, my smile was huge.  Goal accomplished after six months of grueling training.  At that moment I realized that the marathon was more mental than physical.  Our bodies can be trained to do much more than we can imagine, but if we don’t believe we can do it in the first place, it isn’t going to happen.

My relationship with Arne continued after the marathon was over.  It was going so well that I asked Arne to marry me in December—he accepted.   I’ve been told that I am not very patient…  We set the date for the following May.

The week we were getting married, Arne got a promotion.  He was offered the Controller position for the distribution company of Taco Bell located in Irvine, California.  By that time I had been with Pizza Hut for almost five years.  I was nervous about the move.  Leaving Pizza Hut wasn’t hard–it was a great company but accounting work wasn’t fulfilling to me.   Though I was distraught about leaving my close family and friends, I looked forward to my new adventure.

One of my most fond memories right before we moved was running with the Olympic Torch.  Pizza Hut sponsored one woman and one man to run with the torch prior to the 1984 Olympics held in Los Angeles.  I signed up for the drawing in the fitness center and won.  When the torch passed through Kansas, I was one of the runners who carried it for about a half a mile.  I was surprised at how heavy it was.  Even though it was raining when I ran, people were standing out in the middle of nowhere to watch and asked for my autograph.  It was a thrill and I got to keep the torch as a souvenir.

In July 1984, Arne and I arrived in California.  I was unemployed.  Even though I had been offered a similar position at Taco Bell to the one I had at Pizza Hut, I declined hoping I could find a position more interesting.  I started my job search in earnest.  I went to a small employment agency and the recruiter said, “Why don’t you try the personnel business for a week and see how you like it?”  My heart skipped a beat.  Yes, I liked the idea of becoming a recruiter and the chance to try something other than accounting.

I started the trial week and found the job interesting and challenging.  I got an offer to stay.  Okay…it was a huge salary cut but I knew I could make it up on commission.  Something inside knew this was the right move for me.

When Arne found out I accepted $350 a week, he was livid.   “What!  Are you crazy?  Why would you throw away your accounting career?”  Arne shook his head slowly and I could hear him sigh as his eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened.  “Unbelievable.”  But my gut feeling proved to be right.  I started making more money after two months than I ever did in accounting.  Arne stopped complaining…  The lesson here is to do something that you want to do and the money will come.  The overachiever was alive and well.

I left the small agency after six months and joined a national recruiting firm that specialized in the accounting and finance area and started placing full-time professionals.  I found my career niche.

Life was good.  I enjoyed my new career.  Of course running was still an important part of my life and I continued to run races focusing on the 10K to half-marathon distance.  I maintained a weekly mileage level of 20 to 30 miles a week during this time.  In an effort to improve my performance, I started researching vitamins and minerals and started taking supplements to help maintain my health and fitness level—a practice I continue today.

After three years with the recruiting firm, I took a bold step and went out on my own.  It was the influence of my parents and the allure of being my own boss.  I took the plunge in 1987 and moved into an executive suite.  The economy was humming and I enjoyed success as an entrepreneur and loved being independent.

Meanwhile, Arne was intrigued with the potential of the personnel business and he started his own company, Hemingway Personnel, Inc., in 1989.  It was primarily a temporary placement firm specializing in accounting and finance.  So, if it wasn’t stressful enough that both of us were self-employed, it certainly became more traumatic when, in 1989, I discovered I was pregnant.  How did that happen?   I guess that’s a rhetorical question…

Thus began another turbulent period in my life.

Next–Pregnancy, Running and Working with a Spouse

Training Report

I logged 51.5 miles this week.  This included a 7 mile speedwork run and back to back long runs of 17.5 miles on Saturday and 8 miles on the hills on Sunday.  My long runs were slower than normal.  I am beginning to fatigue and must rest more.  I’ll work on that.

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During the worst of my emotional trauma, I refused to take medication.  Perhaps it was my fear of losing total mental control.  My gut told me there was a better way to deal with my issues.  Even today I view my “nervous breakdown” as a blessing.  I discovered self-hypnosis.

If you are one of those people who push yourself to the extreme, you know how hard it is to relax.  I was wired all the time.  At this point in my life, I was not running.  I wonder how I would have handled the stress if I had had the benefits of exercise.

But back to my emotional trauma, while I was in the hospital, the doctor hypnotized me to help me to relax.  Even though I had not been hypnotized before and was quite skeptical, I did experience some relaxation—to the point where I could sleep.  I was intrigued.  He told me if I continued to practice self-hypnosis, I would continue to improve.

The doctor recorded a 15-minute tape for me.  It took me through a relaxation and breathing exercise and contained positive affirmations designed to lessen my anxiety.  I listened to this tape whenever I felt anxious and again at night before sleeping and in the morning before I got out of bed.  I didn’t really understand hypnosis, but I was willing to try it.  I was hopeful it would work.

It did work.  As I continued to listen to the tape, my ability to relax improved and I was able to think and function again.  I had a speedy recovery—and without drugs.*   I returned to work more relaxed and productive.  But I needed a change from the chaos of public accounting.  So after two (very long) years, I left Peat, Marwick and took an accounting position in the corporate office of Pizza Hut, Inc.  It was 1980 and I was 26 years old.

Pizza Hut was a great company—innovative.  It was one of the first companies to have a full gym located in the building.  Maybe I didn’t have the encouragement to exercise when I was growing up, but I certainly did now. The company encouraged every employee to take advantage of the center.  I started to exercise during my lunch hour.  The fitness director at the gym was a runner and was recruiting people to run with him.  I was easily recruited.  My life was forever changed—I became a runner.

Associating with runners is addictive.  Runners are generally positive and energetic people.  Many are also competitive and always looking for ways to get faster and run farther.  Running was a perfect match for my competitive, wired nature.  It also required no real skill like hand-eye coordination.  Just put one foot in front of the other, right?

I ran my first race almost immediately.  It was a two miler and I finished in a whopping 24 minutes.  My legs ached, I was gasping for breath and I felt like I might throw up from the long, grueling distance.  We all have to start somewhere I told myself.  But, despite my agony, I loved the way I felt after the race, my heart was pumping, my mind was clear and I accomplished a goal.  I finished, I really finished!

While I was feeling good about my new adventures in running, I had to come to terms with another area of my life—my worsening relationship.  After nine and half years of marriage, Greg and I called it quits in 1982.  I was shattered.

By that time I had been running for two years and had graduated to running 10K races (6.2 miles).  Did running help me through my divorce?  Yes, it did.  There were days when I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry, but I forced myself out the door because I could always count on the positive feelings I experienced at the end of the run.  I was doing something good for myself.

Running was not easy—in fact it was complicated.  There were speed drills and mileage charts and finding the right shoes.  Was I a pronator or supinator?  Should we eat before a race?  Should we eat after a race?  If so, what is appropriate?  It’s important not to take it all too seriously!

Injury was a big factor.  I had a tendency to go overboard on training—what a surprise.  The overachiever in me was on a mission.  I was sure I was on the road to Olympic stardom.  I discovered chiropractors and ice and, of course, anti-inflammatory medication.  By the way, I highly recommend chiropractors.  I had a crooked hip, which was fixed by chiropractic medicine and allowed me to continue to run.

By this time, I had been thinking for some time about running a marathon.  Pizza Hut offered a marathon training class.  I needed a challenging goal that would take my mind off my divorce so I decided to go for it.

I met Arne at the first informational meeting.  They say never jump into a new relationship immediately after a divorce.  Well, my jump was off a cliff.

Next—First Marathon-Second Marriage

*For a more detailed description of self-hypnosis, see my Premium Content.

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